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I step on madness sometimes



Me & my self can go out of control sometimes, as a 18 years old with a parents issue i feel like my emotions is not perfect yet. There is something wall between me and my feelings if something happened that i cannot accept and the upset feelings crawl from my upside to my upper body, blind me of what i already have. Well, the reason maybe i'm still young so that my machine processor is not perfect yet, or maybe every person has their own traumatic moment to reach that feelings. I believe habits influence person how they would react to a problem, for example if someone with a fulltime job and get tired of it, missing nap or want to rest but can not because of their job, if this person doing a moment like pray to god or being a grateful maybe they just do it and so thankful for themself so they can reach this level.

My habits is not like a billionaire routine, i'm a teenager, i do cry on my night skincare routine, i do mad for someone but still can't along with it, i do forgive mean people, i do jealous of them, i do want people to look at me and that's all natural feelings everyone have that. But, what struggle me the most is how i control my madness, i still questioning to that because when i mad i can hurt everyone i love, i give them the jerk side of me and it's so bad either for being on they'r side, i regret it after looking at dissapointed face on them and start thingking what the heck did i do. But if this happened to people that i do not care much, i'm just silence and act like they don't exist in my life and that's a best decisions so far for me because i can't deal with mean people, i rather leave.

I used to have a group circle friends when i'm on a highschool, it's cute but didn't last long and it's normal. At first i struggle of it when i leave, it's so damn hard even to go to school, my soul is so tired i rather hiking on an everest than be at school, but after a long nightmare it's over, i graduated and so grateful so i don't have to meet them. I don't know what's the causes but if it's hurt, it's hurt. From the bottom of my heart, they are a good people, they deserve a better friend but not me. So for the closing, just live, and do whatever you want because the world is not that longer for us.

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